I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
