Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
