i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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