Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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