I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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