Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
