My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
