my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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