But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
