I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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