After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
