and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
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Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
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No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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