All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
