Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
