If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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