I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
