I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
