so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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