Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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