Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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