My Higher Power is John Stamos
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
