Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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