I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
