I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
