All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
