Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
