Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
