get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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