I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
