Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
