We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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