I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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