Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
