I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
