I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize