matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
