he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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