My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
