my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
