I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
vagina is talking i cant
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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