Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
