so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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