I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
God, you're like boner-b-gone
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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