just come out here and I will go home with you...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
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Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
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There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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