I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
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Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
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I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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