It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
