Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize