Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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