I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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