dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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