You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
