I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
