is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
