a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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