If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
