I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
