I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
