I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
