She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
only you would photoshop your dick
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
