Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
