Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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