So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
