i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
