We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
