I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
